A Train Story

Now that the 'oposiciones' to a post of state high school teacher of English are going to be held again next June in Andalusia, I've remembered a story that I wrote back in the late '80s. I share this story with you today, especially dedicated to my former students who are now preparing for these 'oposiciones', with my best wishes for a brilliant success.

A TRAIN STORY

End of June, insufferably hot in Malaga; thank goodness air-conditioning is working on the train today. Well, here I am  on my way to Madrid, Fernando thought, and I hope I get through this time – third time lucky, as they say. He made himself comfortable, and prepared for the long, tedious eight-hour journey ahead. He was fond of trains, anyway, and preferred this means of transport, but his predilection owed nothing to those ruddy ads on TV. It was not in his nature to play at cowboys and Indians with 'little monsters', nor did he believe in the possibility of running into two or three smashing girl tourists, all delighted to share a sleeping-car compartment with him: it would be too good to be true, and besides this was a day train. No, he liked travelling by train because if one was lucky and didn’t come across a bore determined to “brighten up” the trip for you with the story of his life, sprinkled with reiterated offers of home-made black pudding and other delicacies, one could read, reflect, sleep in peace or, in his case, brush up the 150 topics for his ‘oposiciones’ to a post of high school teacher of English. He declined therefore the earphones for the customary horrendous ‘vintage’ film and insipid documentaries, and tried to memorize the 30 to 40 subjects he still didn’t master well enough to impress the examining board, and naturally, before the train got to Bobadilla he was fast asleep...

He was wakened by a louder than usual “ladies and gentlemen, next station, Linares-Baeza.” When the train had started again after a brief stop, and Fernando was thinking of going to the cafeteria to have an unreasonably costly but badly needed cup of coffee, he saw her entering his coach. A graceful, slender brunette of about 25, smartly dressed, who, why deny it, he liked quite a lot, and the next thing he knew, he had got up from his seat, offered to help her with her luggage and commented: “If I had known there were such pretty girls in Linares, I would have got off here more than once, rather than go on to Madrid. Care for a cup of coffee?” “Come on, there’s no need to exaggerate, and O.K. I accept the coffee.” All in less than fifteen seconds, a record. Then, a sudden embarrassed silence, followed by a mutual burst of laughter, as the comical side of the situation dawned on them. She wondered what it was that had made her respond so readily to this pale, skinny stranger’s invitation. But that was the beginning of a pleasant journey together – coffee, a drink, cigarettes and a nice lively conversation all the way to Madrid. Trifling at first: “Have you read The Bonfire of the Vanities by Tom Wolfe?” “Have you seen the latest Woody Allen film?” Then, a bit more personal: names, age, profession, projects: 28, private lessons and the odd translation, for the moment, with the prospect of a fixed post in a State School, in Fernando’s case; 23, a university degree course (Arts), interrupted in the 4^th year, owing to her imminent wedding to a wealthy businessman in the capital, as far as Paloma was concerned. Curious coincidence: for both of them it was the future of their lives that was at stake in the next fifteen days or so. More cigarettes, the last drink, no, the last but one...and then, a bit too soon for their taste, Madrid, end of journey. “Which way are you going?” “Oh, my fiancé’s chauffeur is coming for me.” Spontaneous burst of laughter, so pretentious had her words sounded. “Can I give you a lift?” “No, thank you, I’ll get the tube.” At the end of the platform, the adieux. They go their separate ways. Fernando turns...Paloma, who was expecting it, almost in unison with him, calls out: “Ah, good luck!”

Here our tale could very well conclude, but Fate wished it otherwise; this train story was to have a different ending: Paloma and Fernando meet again on the train on their way back, twenty days later. "What a pleasant surprise!" At first, reserve, caution, a bit of nerves on both sides. Then, little by little, the confidences. Fernando’s, not very gratifying, for that matter: “I didn’t pass my exam.” Paloma’s, incongruously joyful: “I didn’t get married, either. I’m not getting married.” A drink to celebrate – “but what are we celebrating?” Laughter, satisfaction at being together and...Linares-Baeza. Paloma reluctantly gets off, and Fernando, too, to help her get her suitcases down. Farewells on the platform, a hurried, gauche kiss...” “But, Fernando, your train’s leaving!” “It doesn’t matter, it’s about time I got to know Linares, don’t you think?” Fernando and Paloma walk slowly, hand in hand, along the platform, deserted at this time of the night, and here this new train story truly ends, or begins, depending on how you look at it...

NOTE 

When this story was written the AVE had not yet come into operation, the train still stopped at Bobadilla and Linares-Baeza, and the journey Málaga-Madrid took much longer than now. Ah, and smoking was allowed everywhere on the train, except in non-smoking compartments.

reading comprehension questions with their answers

a.- Q. Did Fernando like travelling by train? Why?/why not? A. Yes, he did. Because one can read, reflect, sleep in peace, etc. on the train.

b.- Q. What is it he feared most to happen? A. To come across a bore determined to tell him the story of his life, while he kept offering him home-made black pudding and other delicacies.

c.- Q. Why was Fernando going to Madrid? And Paloma? A. Fernando was going to be examined by an examining board to try to get a permanent teaching post in a state high school, and Paloma, to get married.

d.- Q. Act out the conversation they have when they first meet on the train, and the one they have when they meet again on their way back from Madrid. A. Fernando: “Hullo, let me help you with your luggage”. Paloma: “Thank you”. Fernando: “If I had known there were such pretty girls in Linares, I would have got off here more than once, rather than go on to Madrid. Care for a cup of coffee?” Paloma: “Come on, there’s no need to exaggerate, and O.K., I accept the coffee.”

     Fernando: “Hullo again. What a pleasant surprise!” Paloma: “Oh, yes, hullo!” Fernando: “I didn’t pass my exam.” Paloma: “I didn’t get married, either. I’m not getting married.” Fernando: “Come on, let’s have a drink to celebrate!” Paloma: “O.K....but what are we celebrating?”

e.- Q. Give a follow-up to the story. Suggested answer: Paloma gets her degree, Fernando finally becomes a state high school teacher, and then they get married and live happily ever after.

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Modismos en novelas de Agatha Christie

Uno de los atractivos de leer a Agatha Christie es la gran cantidad de modismos y verbos frasales que encontramos en las páginas de sus novelas. Comparto hoy con vosotros unos cuantos modismos sacados de dos de mis novelas favoritas: The Body in the Library, con Miss Marple y Five Little Pigs, con Hercule Poirot. El ejercicio que os propongo es completar los modismos correctamente y tratar de encontrar el equivalente más próximo en español.

The Body in the Library

1.- The Colonel says he doesn't know her from .........
2.- No good crying over spilt ..........The girl's dead - strangled.
3.- Jefferson wasted no time in beating about the ..........
4.- But Time, as my dear mother used to say, is a great .........
5.- But you'll admit, sir, that the two things would fit in very prettily together.  Kill two birds with one ...........
6.- I should say the widow found it difficult to make both ends.......and send her son to a good school.
7.- It's like wanting to wipe the slate .......and start again.
 8.- It sounds to me the kind of village domestic problem that is right up Miss Marple's ..............
9.- They're saying, one and all, that there's no smoke without .........
10.- She was the apple of his ........ He adored her.

Five Little Pigs

11.- Old Mayhew could have told you more than I can. But there - he's joined the great ...........
12.- It was Elsa who had insisted on spilling the ........
13.- I'm on good .......with my neighbours.
14.- He warned her what kind of man he was - but she would not take warning. She rushed on her Fate. And to a man like Crale women were fair ..........
15.- Oh, damn it all, man, you can't flog a dead ......... It's all over and done with years ago.
16.- Why the devil couldn't she hold her tongue? Now the fat's in the .......
17.- She was really amazing. I've got to hand it ........her.
18.- She wasn't prepared to take this lying ..........But like a fool I thought that she had made up her mind to accept the inevitable - or else she posibly thought that if she carried on exactly as usual  Amyas might change his mind.
19.- In looks I can't hold a ......to this Elsa child, and I know it. 
20.- Hercule Poirot hastened to pour oil on troubled ........

CLAVE

1.- Adam - not know somebody from Adam (no conocer a alguien de nada).
2.- milk - it's no good crying over spilt milk (agua pasada no mueve molino/a lo hecho, pecho).
3.- bush - to beat about the bush (andarse con rodeos).
4.- healer - time is a great healer ( el tiempo todo lo cura).
5.- stone - to kill two birds with one stone (matar dos pájaros de un tiro).
6.- meet - to make both ends meet (conseguir llegar a fin de mes/conseguir que alcance el dinero).
7.- clean - to wipe the slate clean (hacer borrón y cuenta nueva).
8.- street - to be right up somebody's street (ser la especialidad de alguien/de lo que más sabe).
9.- fire - there's no smoke without fire (cuando el río suena, agua lleva).
10.- eye - to be the apple of somebody's eye (ser el ojito derecho de alguien/la niña de sus ojos).
11.- majority - to join the great majority (unirse a la gran mayoría/morir).
12.- beans - to spill the beans (descubrir el pastel/irse de la lengua).
13.- terms - to be on good terms with somebody (llevarse bien con alguien).
14.- game - to be fair game (ser presa fácil).
15.- horse - to flog a dead horse (malgastar saliva/machacar en hierro frío/hablar con la pared).
16.- fire - the fat is in the fire (se va a armar la gorda).
17.- to - to have (got) to hand it to somebody [tener que reconocer (un mérito) a alguien].
18.- down - to take something lying down (aceptar algo sin rechistar).
19.- candle - can't hold a candle to somebody (no llegarle a alguien a la suela del zapato).
20.- waters - to pour oil on troubled waters (calmar los ánimos).

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Pinceladas gramaticales: no longer/not any longer/not any more

'Ya no' puede traducirse al inglés por no longer, not any longer o not any more.
No longer lleva el verbo en forma afirmativa:
I no longer love him - ya no lo quiero

Not any longer y not any more, por el contrario, llevan el verbo en forma negativa:
I don't love him any longer/any more - ya no lo quiero

En el inglés actual, not any longer o not any more se usan generalmente con más frecuencia que no longer. Así, por ejemplo, I don't like that any longer/any more (ya no me gusta eso) se oye más frecuentemente que I no longer like that.

No more no se usa generalmente como sinónimo de no longer. No longer (ya no) se refiere a tiempo y no more (no más...) se refiere, por regla general, a cantidad: 
We have no more red wine - no tenemos más vino tinto
There's no more beer - no hay más cerveza/no queda cerveza

PRÁCTICA

Rellena los huecos con no longer, not any longer, not any more o no more según proceda:

1.- I don't go to that pub ...............
2.- That's ............a secret
3.- I have ...........questions
4.- He doesn't work here .............
5.- You're .............needed there
6.- Do you still collect stamps? ..................

CLAVE

1.- any longer/any more; 2.- no longer; 3.- no more; 4.- any longer/any more; 5.- no longer; 6.- Not any longer/Not any more/No longer. 

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Páginas brillantes de la literatura inglesa - 7

Hoy comparto con vosotros un fragmento de una de las más famosas obras de la literatura inglesa: Animal Farm de George Orwell, publicada por primera vez en 1945 y considerada por la inmensa mayoría de los críticos como una sátira mordaz de las dictaduras, sean del signo que sean. 
El fragmento elegido es parte del discurso de Major, el viejo cerdo, al resto de los animales de la granja, incitándolos a rebelarse contra Mr Jones, el propietario de la granja, al que presenta como un cruel dictador que se aprovecha de ellos, obligándoles a trabajar sin descanso en beneficio propio. Leed este librito de nuevo y os ayudará a entender el posterior fracaso de la doctrina comunista, nacida de la revolución del pueblo ruso contra la dictadura zarista, pero que a la larga terminó por convertirse en otra dictadura, la del proletariado:

'Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give milk, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to pull the plough, he cannot run fast enough to catch rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals. He sets them to work, he gives back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself. Our labour tills the soil, our dung fertilizes it, and yet there is not one of us that owns more than his bare skin. You cows that I see before me, how many thousands of gallons of milk have you given during the last year? And what has happened to that milk which should have been breeding up sturdy calves? Every drop of it has gone down the throats of our enemies. And you hens, how many eggs have you laid this last year, and how many of those eggs ever hatched into chickens? The rest have all gone to market to bring in money for Jones and his men. And you, Clover, where are those four foals you bore, who should have been the support and pleasure of your old age? Each was sold at a year old - you will never see one of them again. In return for your four confinements and all your labour in the field, what have you ever had except your bare rations and a stall?
'And even the miserable lives we lead are not allowed to reach their natural span. For myself I do not grumble, for I am one of the lucky ones, I am twelve years old and have had over four hundred children. Such is the natural life of a pig. But no animal escapes the cruel knife in the end. You young porkers who are sitting in front of me, every one of you will scream your lives out at the block within a year. To that horror we all must come - cows, pigs, hens, sheep, everyone. Even the horses and the dogs have no better fate. You, Boxer, the very day that those great muscles of yours lose their power, Jones will send you to the knacker, who will cut your throat and boil you down for the fox-hounds. As for the dogs, when they grow old and toothless, Jones ties a brick round their necks and drowns them in the nearest pond.
'Is it not crystal clear, then, comrades, that all the evils of this life of ours spring from the tyranny of human beings? Only get rid of Man, and the produce of our labour would be our own. Almost overnight we could become rich and free. What then must we do? Why, work night and day, body and soul, for the overthrow of the human race! That is my message to you, comrades: Rebellion! I do not know when that Rebellion will come, it might be in a week or in a hundred years, but I know, as surely as I see this straw beneath my feet, that sooner or later justice will be done. Fix your eyes on that, comrades, throughout the short remainder of your lives! And above all, pass on this message of mine to those who come after you, so that future generations shall carry on the struggle until it is victorious.
'And remember, comrades, your resolution must never falter. No argument must lead you astray. Never listen when they tell you that Man and the animals have a common interest, that the prosperity of the one is the prosperity of the others. It is all lies. Man serves the interests of no creature except himself. And among us animals let there be perfect unity, perfect comradeship in the struggle. All men are enemies. All animals are comrades.'

GLOSSARY

plough - arado
rabbit - conejo
the bare minimum - lo justo/lo mínimo
to starve - morir de hambre
to till the soil - labrar la tierra
dung - estiercol
gallon - galón (4,546 litros)
to breed up - criar
sturdy - robusto
calves - terneros
to hatch into chickens - salir polluelos (del huevo)
foal - potrillo
to bear - engendrar
confinement - parto
stall - pesebre
to reach their natural span - alcanzar su tiempo de vida natural
to grumble - quejarse
young porker - cerdito
scream your lives out at the block - gritar cuando se dejan la vida en el tajo
fate - destino
muscle - músculo
knacker - matarife
foxhound - perro raposero
toothless - desdentado
to tie - atar
brick - ladrillo
to drown - ahogar
pond - estanque
crystal clear - más claro que el agua
evils - males
to spring from - tener su origen en
almost overnight - casi de la noche a la mañana
body and soul - en cuerpo y alma
overthrow - derrocamiento
straw - paja
remainder - resto
struggle - lucha
to falter - vacilar
to lead someone astray - equivocar a alguien

EJERCICIO

Rellenar los huecos con el verbo adecuado, usado en el texto:

'Man is the only creature that .... (eats/drinks/consumes) without producing. He does not .... (give/produce/makes) milk, he does not ....(put/lay/set) eggs, he is too weak to .... (push/pull/draw) the plough, he cannot ....(walk/jump/run) fast enough to ..... (catch/grab/kill) rabbits. Yet he is lord of all the animals. He ..... (sets/puts/lays) them to work, he .... (offers/gives/lays) back to them the bare minimum that will ...... (avoid/stop/prevent) them from starving, and the rest he .... (keeps/retais/saves) for himself. Our labour .... (ploughs/digs/tills) the soil, our dung .....(manures/fertilizes/fructifies) it, and yet there is not one of us that ....(possesses/has/owns) more than his bare skin. You cows that I ....(contemplate/see/gaze) before me, how many thousands of gallons of milk have you ..... (given/made/done) during the last year? And what has ....... (occurred/happened/become) to that milk which should have been ...... (breeding/feeding/rearing) up sturdy calves? Every drop of it has ..... (come/dropped/gone) down the throats of our enemies. And you hens, how many eggs have you .... (laid/put/set) this last year, and how many of those eggs ever ....... (broke/conceived/hatched) into chickens? The rest have all ..... (travelled/gone/sold) to market to bring in money for Jones and his men. And you, Clover, where are those four foals you ....(bear/bore/born) , who should have .... (had/been/meant) the support and pleasure of your old age? Each was .... (killed/slaughtered/sold) at a year old - you will never ...(see/love/caress)  one of them again. In return for your four confinements and all your labour in the field, what have you ever .... (received/kept/had) except your bare rations and a stall?
'And even the miserable lives we .... (live/endure/lead) are not allowed to ..... (reach/attain/achieve) their natural span. For myself I do not ...... (complain/grunt/grumble), for I am one of the lucky ones, I ... (was/am/have) twelve years old and have ... (had/bred/produced) over four hundred children. Such is the natural life of a pig. But no animal ..... (escapes/flees/saves) the cruel knife in the end. You young porkers who are .... (standing/sitting/sleeping) in front of me, every one of you will .... (expire/shout/scream) your lives out at the block within a year. To that horror we all ... (ought/should/must) come - cows, pigs, hens, sheep, everyone. Even the horses and the dogs ... (have/enjoy/meet) no better fate. You, Boxer, the very day that those great muscles of yours .... (lose/miss/waste) their power, Jones will ..... (send/sell/give) you to the knacker, who will ....(nick/slice/cut)  your throat and ... (boil/cook/roast) you down for the fox-hounds. As for the dogs, when they .... (become/turn/grow) old and toothless, Jones .... (ties/knots/fixes) a brick round their necks and .... (chokes/drowns/stifles) them in the nearest pond.
'Is it not crystal clear, then, comrades, that all the evils of this life of ours .... (spring/derive/stem) from the tyranny of human beings? Only ....(free/clear/get) rid of Man, and the produce of our labour would ... (remain/be/stand) our own. Almost overnight we could .... (turn/grow/become) rich and free. What then .... (must/ought/should) we do? Why, .... (work/labour/toil) night and day, body and soul, for the overthrow of the human race! That is my message to you, comrades: Rebellion! I do not ....(understand/know/realize)  when that Rebellion will come, it might ... (happen/occur/be) in a week or in a hundred years, but I ...., (understand/think/know), as surely as I .... (see/eye/behold) this straw beneath my feet, that sooner or later justice will be ....(executed/done/achieved). Fix your eyes on that, comrades, throughout the short remainder of your lives! And above all, ...(give/hand/pass) on this message of mine to those who .....(exist/live/come) after you, so that future generations shall ....(continue/keep/carry) on the struggle until it is victorious.
'And ..... (recollect/remember/recall), comrades, your resolution must never .....(falter/fail/fall) No argument must .... (take/drive/lead) you astray. Never ..... (believe/listen/hear) when they tell you that Man and the animals .... (have/shared/enjoy) a common interest, that the prosperity of the one is the prosperity of the others. It ... (is/was/will be) all lies. Man .....( has/helps/serves) the interests of no creature except himself. And among us animals .... (allow/let/permit) there be perfect unity, perfect comradeship in the struggle. All men ....(are/were/become) enemies. All animals ... (are/remain/keep) comrades.'

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Páginas brillantes de la literatura inglesa - 6

The Pickwick Papers de Dickens tiene un tono general humorístico, pero este fragmento del capítulo XI, que hoy comparto con vosotros no es para reírse, sino más bien para llorar. Pone los pelos de punta pensar cuántos individuos como éste habrá sueltos por ahí:

A Madman's Manuscript

"Yes! - a madman's! How that word would have struck to my heart many years ago! How it would have roused the terror that used to come upon me sometimes; sending the blood hissing and tingling through my veins, till the cold dew of fear stood in large drops upon my skin, and my knees knocked together with fright! I like it now though. It's a fine name. Show me the monarch whose angry frown was ever feared like the glare of a madman's eye - whose cord and axe were ever half so sure as a madman's grip. Ho! ho! It's a grand thing to be mad! to be peeped at like a wild lion through the iron bars - to gnash one's teeth and howl, through the long still night, to the merry ring of a heavy chain - and to roll and twine among the straw, transported with such a brave music. Hurrah for the madhouse! Oh, it's a rare place!
I remember days when I was afraid of being mad; when I used to start from my sleep, and fall upon my knees, and pray to be spared the curse of my race; when I rushed from the sight of merriment or happiness, to hide myself in some lonely place, and spend the weary hours in watching the progress of the fever that was to consume my brain. I knew that madness was mixed up with my very blood, and the marrow of my bones; that one generation had passed away without the pestilence appearing among them, and that I was the first in whom it would revive. I knew it must be so: that so it always had been , and so it ever would be; and when I cowed in some obscure corner of a crowded room, and saw men whisper, and point, and turn their eyes towards me, I knew they were telling each other of the doomed madman; and I slunk away again to mope in solitude.
"I did this for years; long, long years they were. The nights here are long sometimes - very long; but they are nothing to the restless nights, and dreadful dreams I had at that time. It makes me cold to remember them. Large dusky forms with sly and jeering faces crouched in the corners of the room, and bent over my bed at night, tempting me to madness. They told me in low whispers, that the floor of the old house in which my father's father died, was stained with his own blood, shed by his own hand in raging madness. I drove my fingers into my ears, but they screamed into my head till the room rang with it, that in one generation before him the madness slumbered, but that his grandfather had lived for years with his hands fetered to the ground, to prevent his tearing himself to pieces. I knew they told the truth - I knew it well. I had found it out years before, though they had tried to keep it from me. Ha! ha! I was too cunning for them, madman as they thought me.
"At last it came upon me, and I wondered how I could ever have feared it. I could go into the world now, and laugh and shout with the best amon them. I knew I was mad, but they did not even suspect it. How I used to hug myself with delight, when I thought of the fine trick I was playing them after their old pointing and leering, when I was not mad, but only dreading that I mught one day become so! And how I used to laugh for joy, when I was alone, and thought how well I kept my secret, and how quickly my kind friends would have fallen from me, if they had known the truth. I could have sreamed with ecstasy when I dined alone with some fine roaring fellow, to think how pale he would have turned, and how fast he would have run, if he had known that the dear friend who sat close to him, sharpening a bright glittering knife, was a madman with all the power, and half the will to plunge it in his heart. Oh, it was a merry life!

GLOSSARY

to strike to one's heart - llegar al alma
to rouse terror - provocar terror
to hiss - silbar
to tingle - hormiguear
dew - rocío
angry frown - ceño airado
glare - mirada furiosa
cord and axe - cuerda y hacha
grip - acción de agarrar con fuerza, (fig) fuertes garras
to be peeped at - ser mirado con curiosidad
to gnash one's teeth - rechinar los dientes
still night - noche tranquila/silenciosa
to howl - aullar
to roll and twine - rodar y enroscarse
straw - paja
madhouse - manicomio
a rare place - un lugar especial
to start from one's sleep - despertarse sobresaltado
to be spared from the curse of my race - librarse de la maldición de mi estirpe
merriment - diversión, alegría
weary - tedioso,-a
brain - cerebro
mixed up with my very blood - mezclada con mi propia sangre
marrow of my bones - mi médula ósea
pestilence - pestilencia
to cow - estar encogido lleno de miedo
to whisper - susurrar
doomed - condenado
I slunk away - me iba con las orejas gachas
to mope - deprimirse
restless - inquieto,-a
dreadful - terrible, espantoso,-a
dusky forms - formas oscuras
with sly and jeering faces - con caras maliciosas y burlonas
to crouch - agazaparse/estar agazapado
stained - manchado,-a
shed - derramado,-a, vertido,-a
raging madness - furiosa locura
I drove my fingers into my ears - me metía los dedos en los oídos 
to scream - gritar
to slumber -dormitar (tamb. fig estar dormido/estar latente) 
fettered to the ground - encadenado,-a al suelo
to tear oneself to pieces - hacerse pedazos uno mismo
cunning - astuto,-a
to keep sth from sb - ocultar algo a alguien
madman as they thought me - aunque me creían loco
with the best among them - como el que más/el primero
to hug oneself - abrazarse
to play sb a trick - engañar a alguien
to dread - temer
some fine roaring fellow - algún tipo apuesto y vigoroso
to sharpen - afilar
glittering -reluciente
with all the power, and half the will - con toda la fuerza y casi las ganas
to plunge - hundir (cuchillo, etc)

EJERCICIO

Rellena los huecos con partes del cuerpo humano y luego mira de nuevo el texto para comprobar si tus respuestas son correctas:

"Yes! - a madman's! How that word would have struck to my ..... many years ago! How it would have roused the terror that used to come upon me sometimes; sending the ....... hissing and tingling through my ......., till the cold dew of fear stood in large drops upon my ....., and my ...... knocked together with fright! I like it now though. It's a fine name. Show me the monarch whose angry frown was ever feared like the glare of a madman's ...... - whose cord and axe were ever half so sure as a madman's grip. Ho! ho! It's a grand thing to be mad! to be peeped at like a wild lion through the iron bars - to gnash one's ....... and howl, through the long still night, to the merry ring of a heavy chain - and to roll and twine among the straw, transported with such a brave music. Hurrah for the madhouse! Oh, it's a rare place!
I remember days when I was afraid of being mad; when I used to start from my sleep, and fall upon my ......, and pray to be spared the curse of my race; when I rushed from the sight of merriment or happiness, to hide myself in some lonely place, and spend the weary hours in watching the progress of the fever that was to consume my ........ I knew that madness was mixed up with my very ......., and the marrow of my .......; that one generation had passed away without the pestilence appearing among them, and that I was the first in whom it would revive. I knew it must be so: that so it always had been , and so it ever would be; and when I cowed in some obscure corner of a crowded room, and saw men whisper, and point, and turn their ..... towards me, I knew they were telling each other of the doomed madman; and I slunk away again to mope in solitude.
"I did this for years; long, long years they were. The nights here are long sometimes - very long; but they are nothing to the restless nights, and dreadful dreams I had at that time. It makes me cold to remember them. Large dusky forms with sly and jeering ...... crouched in the corners of the room, and bent over my bed at night, tempting me to madness. They told me in low whispers, that the floor of the old house in which my father's father died, was stained with his own ....., shed by his own ..... in raging madness. I drove my ....... into my ......, but they screamed into my ..... till the room rang with it, that in one generation before him the madness slumbered, but that his grandfather had lived for years with his ...... fetered to the ground, to prevent his tearing himself to pieces. I knew they told the truth - I knew it well. I had found it out years before, though they had tried to keep it from me. Ha! ha! I was too cunning for them, madman as they thought me.

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Páginas brillantes de la literatura inglesa -5

Aquí tenéis la 2ª parte del divertido episodio sobre el desmañado Uncle Podger, tomado del capítulo tres de Three Men in a Boat de Jerome K. Jerome:

We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have lost sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was to go in, and each of us had to get up on the chair beside him, and see if we could find it; and we would each discover it in a different place, and he would call us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and remeasure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner and would try to do it in his head, and go mad.
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arive at different results, and sneer at one another. And in the general row, the original number would be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it again.
He would use a bit of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of fort-five, and trying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness with which his head and body struck all the notes at the same time.
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to stand round and hear such language.
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his right hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was going to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd let her know in time, so that she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was being done.
'Oh! you women, you make such a fuss over everything,' Uncle Podger would reply, picking himself up. 'Why, I like doing a little job of this sort.'
And then he would have another try, and, at the second blow, the nail would go clean through the plaster, and half the hammer after it, and Uncle Podger be precipitated against the wall with force nearly sufficient to flatten his nose. 
Then we had to find the rule and the string again, and a new hole was made; and, about midnight, the picture would be up - very crooked and insecure, the walls for yards round looking as if it had been smoothed down with a rake, and everybody dead beat and wretched - except Uncle Podger.

GLOSSARY

to do it in his head - calcularlo mentalmente
to sneer at - burlarse de
row - pelea
he would smash his thumb - se golpeaba el pulgar
yell - alarido
toe - dedo del pie
to pick oneself up - levantarse (tras haberse caído)
the nail would go clean through the plaster - el clavo atravesaba por completo el yeso
to flatten - aplastar
crooked - torcido
insecure - inseguro
to smooth down - alisar
rake - rastrillo
dead beat - agotado
wretched - desgraciado, infeliz

EJERCICIO

Rellena los espacios en blanco y luego mira el texto para comprobar si tus respuestas son correctas:


We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have ..... sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was .... go in, and each of ... had to get up on the chair beside him, and see if we ....find it; and we would ......discover it in a different place, and he would .... us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and remeasure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner and would try to do it in his head, and ....mad.
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arive ...... different results, and sneer at .... another. And in the general row, the original number .....be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it .......
He would use a ......of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair .... an angle of fort-five, and trying to reach a point three inches ....... what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect .... produced by the suddenness with which his head and body ..... all the notes at the same time.
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not .......the children to stand round and ....such language.
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his .... hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was .....to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd ......her know in time, so .... she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was .......done.
'Oh! you women, you .......such a fuss over everything,' Uncle Podger would reply, picking himself ...... 'Why, I like doing a little .... of this sort.'
And then he would have another try, and, ....the second blow, the nail would go clean through the plaster, and half the hammer after it, and Uncle Podger be precipitated .......the wall with force nearly sufficient to flatten his nose. 
Then we had ..... find the rule and the string again, and a new hole ......made; and, about midnight, the picture would be up - very crooked ....insecure, the walls for yards round looking ..... if it had been smoothed down with a rake, and everybody dead......and wretched - except Uncle Podger.

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Páginas brillantes de la literatura inglesa- 4

Comparto hoy con vosotros la primera parte de otra divertida página, tomada del capítulo tres de Three Men in a Boat de Jerome K. Jerome:

You never saw such a commotion up and down a house in all your life, as when my Uncle Podger undertook to do a job. A picture would have come home from the frame-maker's, and be standing in the dining-room, waiting to be put up; and Aunt Podger would ask what was to be done with it, and Uncle Podger would say:
'Oh, you leave that to me. Don't you, any of you, worry yourselves about that. I'll do all that.'
And then he would take off his coat, and begin. He would send the girl out for sixpenn'orth of nails, and then one of the boys after her to tell her what size to get; and, from that, he would gradually work down, and start the whole house.
'Now, you go and get my hammer, Will,' he would shout; 'and bring me the rule, Tom; and I shall want the step-ladder, and I had better have the kitchen chair, too; and, Jim! you run round to Mr Goggles, and tell him, "Pa's kind regards and hopes his leg's better; and will he lend him his spirit-level?" And don't you go, Maria, because I shall want somebody to hold me the light and when the girl comes back she must go out again for a bit of picture-cord; and Tom! - where's Tom? - Tom, you come here; I shall want you to hand me up the picture.'
And then he would lift up the picture, and drop it, and it would come out of the frame, and he would try to save the glass, and cut himself; and then he would spring round the room, looking for his handkerchief. He could not find his handkerchief, because it was in the pocket of the coat he had taken off, and he did not know where he had put the coat, and all the house had to leave off looking for his tools, and start looking for his coat; while he would dance round and hinder them.
'Doesn't anybody in the whole house know where my coat is? I never came across such a set in all my life - upon my word I didn't. Six of you! - and you can't find a coat that I put down not five minutes ago! Well, of all the -'
Then he'd get up, and find that he had been sitting on it, and would call out:
'Oh, you can give it up! I've found it myself now. Might just as well ask the cat to find anything as expect you people to find it.'
And when half an hour had been spent in tying up his finger, and a new glass had been got, and the tools, and the ladder, and the chair, and the candle had been brought, he would have another go, the whole family, including the girl, and the charwoman, standing round in semi-circle, ready to help. Two people would have to hold the chair, and a third would help him up on it, and hold him there, and a fourth would hand him a nail, and a fifth would pass him up the hammer, and he would take hold of the nail, and drop it.
'There!' he would say, in an injured tone, 'now the nail's gone.'
And we would all have to go down on our knees and grovel for it, while he would stand on the chair, and grunt, and want to know if he was to be kept there all the evening.
The nail would be found at last, but by that time he would have lost the hammer.
'Where's the hammer? What did I do with the hammer? Great heavens! Seven of you, gaping round there, and you don't know what I did with the hammer!'

to be continued

GLOSSARY

to undertake to do sth - ocuparse de hacer algo
frame-maker's - tienda del fabricante de marcos
sixpenn'orth of nails - seis peniques de clavos
to start the whole house - alborotar toda la casa
step-ladder - escalera de tijera
kind regards - saludos
spirit-level - nivel (herramienta)
to lift up - levantar
to save the glass - salvar el cristal
to spring - saltar
to leave off looking for his tools dejar de buscar sus herramientas
to hinder - estorbar
to come across sb/sth - toparse con alguien/algo
might just as well - más me valdría
candle - vela
to have another go - intentarlo de nuevo
charwoman - mujer de la limpieza
hammer - martillo
in an injured tone - en tono lastimero
to grovel for sth - buscar algo a gatas
to grunt - gruñir
to gape - mirar embobado

EJERCICIO

A ver cómo andáis de memoria. Rellenad los espacios en blanco y luego mirad el texto para comprobar si vuestras respuestas son correctas:


You never saw .... a commotion up and down a house in all your life, ... when my Uncle Podger undertook to ... a job. A picture would have come home ...the frame-maker's, and be standing in the dining-room, ..... to be put up; and Aunt Podger would ask what was to be ...with it, and Uncle Podger ....say:
'Oh, you ...that to me. Don't you, any of you, worry yourselves about that. I'll do all that.'
And then he would take ... his coat, and begin. He would send the girl out for sixpenn'orth of nails, and then one of the boys ... her to tell her what size to get; and, from that, he would gradually work down, and start the ...house.
'Now, you go and get my hammer, Will,' he would shout; 'and ... me the rule, Tom; and I shall want the step-ladder, and I ...better have the kitchen chair, too; and, Jim! you run round to Mr Goggles, and tell him, "Pa's kind .... and hopes his leg's better; and ...he lend him his spirit-level?" And ...you go, Maria, because I shall want somebody to hold me the light and when the girl comes back she must go out again for a ...of picture-cord; and Tom! - where's Tom? - Tom, you come here; I shall want you to hand me up the picture.'
And then he would lift up the picture, and drop it, and it would come out of the frame, and he would ...to save the glass, and cut ...; and then he would spring round the room, looking ...his handkerchief. He could not find his handkerchief, .... it was in the pocket of the coat he had taken off, and he did not know ... he had put the coat, and all the house had to leave ...looking for his tools, and start looking for his coat; ...he would dance round and hinder them.
'... anybody in the whole house know where my coat is? I never came ... such a set in all my life - upon my word I didn't. Six of you! - and you ... find a coat that I put down not five minutes ...! Well, of all the -'
Then he'd get up, and find that he ... been sitting on it, and would call out:
'Oh, you can give it up! I've found it ... now. Might ...as well ask the cat to find anything ... expect you people to find it.'
And when half ... hour had been spent in tying up his ..., and a new glass had been got, and the tools, and the ladder, and the chair, and the candle had been ..., he would have ... go, the whole family, ... the girl, and the charwoman, standing round in semi-..., ready to help. Two people would have to hold the chair, and a third would help him up on it, and hold him there, and a fourth would hand him a nail, and a fifth would pass him up the hammer, and he would ... hold of the nail, and drop it.
'There!' he would say, in an injured tone, '... the nail's gone.'
And we would all have to go down ... our knees and grovel ... it, while he would stand on the chair, and grunt, and want to know if he ... to be kept there ... the evening.
The nail would be found at last, but ... that time he would have ... the hammer.
'Where's the hammer? What ... I do with the hammer? Great heavens! Seven of you, gaping round there, and you don't ... what I did with the hammer!'

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