ALL ROADS LEAD TO BRITAIN
CHAPTER III
PART I: LOOK WHAT THE CAT’S BROUGHT IN!
The salt
of the earth
The Celts did not stay alone for a long time. Theirs was a
country within spitting distance,
with much charm and appeal. And though Madame Tussaud’s Museum or Hampton Court
Palace had not still opened their doors to the public, Britain was very
attractive for the tourists from the Continent; visitors who, instead of
bringing a camera in their suitcases, brought swords and spears with them,
that’s true, but tourists, after all.
This time it was the Romans who set their sights on the islands. They ruled over most of the
then-known world; having been bitten by
the conquering bug, they soon took a fancy to practising this
apparently enjoyable activity and there came the moment when they could not
quit doing it (this is like a drug, you know, once you start, you can’t stop).
The Romans just wanted to take control of all the
territories around them. The problem with this is what you mean by being around you: one metre away from
where you are?...; one mile away?...; two thousand miles?...; perhaps ten
thousand miles is an appropriate distance?... The Romans used a huge compass,
the biggest one ever seen, to mark the boundaries of their empire. A big
compass, but much compassion...? They were powerful, had the best armies, knew
that they stood head and shoulders above
anyone else in many senses, and thought
(and it was a well-grounded assumption) that
they were the cat’s whiskers, so
everyone and everything should revolve round them. They had started their
conquests in what we now call Spain ,
France , Germany , Belgium ...and
it was now Britain Britain
Once they had taken
the reins of Gaul (=France), the
Romans turned their gaze upon
Britain; just a few miles from the Continent as the crow flies, the island could even be seen on clear days from
Boulogne, that is, five days in the summer. Britain
N.B. As old
habits should always be maintained, there is a charming custom which is still
practised. Something similar to what happened a couple of millenniums ago takes
place in the south of England Oxford Italy
Render
unto Caesar what is Caesar’s (or rather, render unto Caesar what Caesar thinks is his)
Whatever would have become of the Roman Empire without the
presence of the eminent, all-mighty, inimitable and unparalleled Julius Caesar,
Lord of the World and nearly Master of the Universe (if it had not been because
the numerous deities which dwelt in the Roman temples stopped him from reaching
that post)?
What would the history of ancient times be like without the
figure of this short man with a large aquiline nose and often dressed in a
white toga?
Who, except him, could have led the Roman troops to sublime
victories not caring a fig if those
victories meant slaying and massacring thousands of people just for the sake of
ambition?
If not him, who would deserve to wear that laurel wreath on
his head, symbol of power and supremacy? (laurels
on which, by the way, he never
rested).
Why is he the best-known of all Roman emperors if, after
all, people like Caligula, Nero, Octavius, Augustus, Septimius Severus,
Diocletian or Constantine did more or less the same as him? Why have all of
them always played second fiddle to the
“great” Julius?
Many questions have been raised but whatever the answers may
be, Caius Julius Caesar plays a major role in worldwide history. And what’s
more, he is one of the few people in whose “honour” a saying has been created: render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. In
fact, many things were rendered unto him, but many others were taken by storm by himself. Britain
Prevention
is better than cure (A bad excuse is
better than none)
Thus, from force of
habit, the Romans kept on conquering.
For some historians the reason that moved Julius Caesar to
invade Britain was that
having an unconquered territory so near the coasts of Gaul
could be a menace for his empire; these islands could become a focus of revolts
which could subsequently spread across the continent. So Caesar decided to
subdue the British Celts before they could put the Roman
Empire in the slightest danger. The famous Latin saying that goes if
you want peace, prepare for war (si
vis pacem, para bellum) sums up this idea extraordinarily well. That is
called “prevention”.
Other historians have a different version of the facts and
refute the previous theory. The funny
thing about this refutation is that they do it just with one word, which is
repeated twice, sometimes even three times, and uttered as if those who say it
were really overjoyed. That single word is ‘Ha’.
And that is called “splitting your sides
with laughter”.
The Romans knew that the land they had set their heart on was rich and fertile. The weather was fairly
good and mild (at least in the south; what a surprise when they discovered the
weather in the north!) and would surely allow the growing of a great variety of
crops. That could mean a well-stocked larder for the Roman troops. The Celts
were strong as horses so they could be used as slaves to work in the fields or
in the mines. That could mean cheap labour. And there were rumours that there
was abundance of gold and pearls. That could mean lining their pockets easily.
Now, who shall we believe? Those who state that Caesar
invaded Britain
A sitting
duck
It was the summer of 55 BC when Julius Caesar was camped
with his troops in Boulogne Britain
(Albion comes from albus, “”white” in Latin; they called it
like that because of the white cliffs of Dover , within sight from Boulogne
Julius Caesar used to write about his conquests. He kept a
sort of diary in which he narrated his deeds. With “a few” variations he might
have written something like this: ‘Dear
diary: Today I have conquered a new land. We call it Albion
but it seems that the natives call themselves Pretani, or something of the
kind, since I cannot understand their language at all. So from now on we’ll
call it Pretanic Islands Kent
Locking
the stable door after the horse has bolted
Caesar’s raid could not be seen as a definitive invasion. It
had been but a short contact with the fierce, savage and (for the moment)
untamed Britons. However, his military action in foreign lands was considered
as a great success in his own country, where he came back with flags flying. There, he devoted some months to preparing a new
fleet of even more powerful warships and selecting the best men of his army to
fight against the Britons. The following year, 54 BC, Caesar set foot in Britain St
Albans , Hertfordshire).
(Note: Relax...
Take a deep breath... Probably you have made a big effort to read the last
sentence; names like Cassivellaunus or Catuvellauni are more likely to be found
in a tongue-twister than in a history book, you may be thinking. But take into account that Angles and
Saxons with their monosyllabic words had not arrived yet, so names like “Bob”
and “John” did not exist in those times. Anyway, don’t even think that these
will be the only long names you will have to read. The worst is still to come).
In spite of being, to
a certain extent, united and giving great trouble to the Roman legions,
these precautions should have been taken some years before, when the Romans
were starting to have their eyes on
Britain. Now it was too late; the Romans would persist doggedly until they got
what they wanted. Although Caesar had to leave Britain
in order to crush a revolt which had broken out in Gaul and never came back,
this did not mean that the Roman Empire had come to a full stop in the British
campaigns. Almost a century passed until Emperor Claudius renewed military
action in Britain
The state
of affairs
Cassivellaunus had agreed to pay an annual tribute to Rome
When Caesar left Britain Berkshire , Buckinghamshire and Hertfordshire, have
already been mentioned, but there were more. The most important were these:
-
the Atrebates, in Hampshire and Berkshire
mainly,
-
the Iceni, whose territory embraced present-day Norfolk and Suffolk
-
the Parisii, in Yorkshire ,
-
the Brigantes, who probably got the lion’s share, occupying a territory that stretched from the
Midlands to Scotland
-
the Corieltavi, in the Midlands ,
-
the Ordovices, in the northwest of Wales
-
the Silures, in the southwest of Wales
-
the Dobuni, whose territory covered what we call
nowadays Gloucestershire and Somerset
-
the Durotriges, in Dorset ,
-
the Dumnonii, in present-day Cornwall
and part of Devon ,
-
the Belgae, who occupied Wiltshire, Avon
and some areas in Hampshire,
-
the Regni, whose territory covered parts of
present-day Hampshire, West Sussex and Surrey ,
-
and the Trinovantes, in Essex and the south of Suffolk
That was the
situation in England and Wales , but what about Scotland Scotland Ireland , meant a hard nut to crack for the Roman Empire .
Savage and more ferocious than anyone could imagine, they defended their
territory tooth and nail against the
invaders. Their name, Picts, derives from the Latin Pictos (=painted) since they
used to paint their faces in blue before a battle to look more terrifying. To tell the truth, painting their faces
was not essential in order to terrify anyone (their natural qualities were
enough) but anyway these people thought that it had a successful effect on
their adversaries. Could this custom be the origin of the expression “to be blue in the face”? Surely it is
not, but the Picts were probably the first people in history to be literally
that colour in that part of the body.
N.B. If you have
noticed, there is a funny fact about the names of the ancient inhabitants of
present-day Ireland and Scotland Ireland
were called Scots, whereas people from Scotland Scotland Ireland
Therefore, if things had not changed, the map of the British
Isles would have been as follows: In the west there would be an island called Scotland , whose capital would be Dublin , and the Scottish Guinness beer would be famous all
over the world; a small part of this island would belong to another country,
the U.K. United Kingdom would
consist of four parts: Northern Scotland, England ,
Wales
The process initiated by Cassivellaunus was continued by
Cunobelinus (the original of William Shakespeare’s Cymbeline), who held sway in southeastern Britain from 10 AD to 42
AD, one year before the definitive invasion by emperor Claudius. During his
“reign” (he called himself Rex Britorum)
he followed in his predecessor’s footsteps. He promoted the trading
contact with Rome
In Shakespeare’s play, the historical facts are slightly
modified. The plot is quite “simple”: Cymbeline himself had routed the troops
commanded by General Lucius, had taken many prisoners, amongst them the general
himself, and had spared his life at the request of Imogen, the king’s daughter
(whose two brothers had been stolen out of their nursery when the sovereign
married a widow after he had become a widower himself), who secretly had
married Posthumus in spite of the fact that he was not a subject of royal
birth, thus bringing about the exile of her husband to Rome, where he would get
in touch with Iachimo, who would try to win Imogen’s love and convince her to
render unto him a bracelet that the faithful wife had promised to wear for ever
as a token of love so that he could win the diamond ring that the wife in turn
had given to her husband, both objects being at the end of the play the key
instruments for letting the cat out of
the bag and revealing the real personalities of Posthumus, who, seeking
death in despair after having received the news that his beloved wife had died,
had joined the Roman forces to fight the Britons, and of Imogen, who had been
posing as a man in order to look for her husband and had been living in a cave
with her long-lost brothers and Bellarius, the man who had stolen them in the
past in vengeance for having been
expelled from the court by King Cymbeline.
In Shakespeare’s play, the fact of sparing the general’s
life led up to a time of peace between the Britons and the Romans. Though the
historical veracity of this soap opera
is clearly uncertain, the period from 10 AD to 42 AD was one of steady calm and
cooperation between both nations. At least, the Britons were at peace with the
Romans for some years. The Romans let
the grass grow under their feet for a considerably long period of time, but
in 43 AD, one year after Cunobelinus had died, Emperor Claudius went back to square one and carried out a
new invasion, this time, a real and effective one.
Another
bite at the cherry (Asleep at the
switch)
Four legions under the command of Aulus Plautius, a big shot of the Roman army, were
ready for the disembarkation. But they had to overcome one difficulty first:
the fear to cross the ocean, since it was thought that it was the boundary of
the world and there was nothing beyond; and if there was something, it was a deep
abyss where huge hungry monsters were awaiting the absent-minded sailors lost
on their way to fall into their open mouths. (It is unnecessary to comment that
the Romans were NOT the first to circumnavigate the globe).
So with enthusiasm for the conquest and fear for the
crossing mingled in their minds, the Roman expeditionary force set off bound
for the land which one century before had been visited by their ancestors, who
either were a bit braver than them or just had not worried about the shape of the
earth yet. As the land was heaving in sight, countless sighs of relief were
heaved. However deep and loud these sighs were, they did not awaken the
Britons, who did not expect visitors and were caught off guard. ‘The coast
is clear!’, the Romans might have exclaimed. They soon took advantage
of the situation. Once they had disembarked in what now is Richborough (Kent),
they immediately made their way
inland. The funny thing about all this was that the Romans did not encounter
any opposition until they reached the mouth of the river Medway, by present-day
Rochester (also in Kent ,
east of London
-
Did the Britons know about the Romans’ advance and
wait for them at the Medway...? All historians claim that the attack took them off their guard, so the
answer would probably be “no”.
-
Was the Medway the right place to fight the
invaders...? Any place in Kent
-
Were the Romans renowned experts on the art of
camouflage...? If we take into account
that four legions took part in the
invasion, that each legion consisted approximately of five thousand soldiers,
and that Roman legions had both infantry and cavalry, no one could convince us
that twenty thousand people and a few thousand horses could have passed along a
distance of fifty miles unnoticed, even if the Britons had all been
short-sighted, one-eyed or blind. The answer, once more, would probably be
“no”.
-
Supposing the Britons had sight problems, were they
also hard of hearing...? Such an amount of soldiers and horses marching nose to tail must make a lot of noise
when stepping on the ground. What’s more, they must make it quake. And we must
suppose that they were not blowing their trumpets and beating their drums as
they used to do on parade. If that had been the case, even a post would have
heard them. So the answer, again, would probably be “no”.
-
Should we rather think that the joy of getting to a
new land after having crossed a sea which was thought to be the end of the
world exhilarated them and enabled them to march majestically through a foreign
country as if they owned the place...?
The answer now would probably be “yes”.
Better be
the head of a mouse than the tail of a lion
(A face-saving struggle)
lautius had
advanced and had met with no resistance until he reached the river Medway.
There a fierce battle was fought between the Roman legions and Togodumnus and
Caractacus, who jointly ruled the kingdom of the Catuvellauni after the death
of their father, Cunobelinus. The Battle
Plautius continued his advance in British lands, but he
halted at the Thames to await the arrival of
Emperor Claudius. And there he came, as
large as life, to lead his troops to Camulodunum (Colchester), the most
important city in Britain Rome
The only hope for the Britons was Caractacus. He had had to
flee to Wales Britain Rome
This happened around AD 50. Four years later, Claudius died
and was succeeded by his stepson Nero (you know, the emperor who fiddled
while Rome Britain Roman Empire under her thumb for a time.
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