Páginas brillantes de la literatura inglesa -5

Aquí tenéis la 2ª parte del divertido episodio sobre el desmañado Uncle Podger, tomado del capítulo tres de Three Men in a Boat de Jerome K. Jerome:

We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have lost sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was to go in, and each of us had to get up on the chair beside him, and see if we could find it; and we would each discover it in a different place, and he would call us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and remeasure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner and would try to do it in his head, and go mad.
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arive at different results, and sneer at one another. And in the general row, the original number would be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it again.
He would use a bit of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair at an angle of fort-five, and trying to reach a point three inches beyond what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect being produced by the suddenness with which his head and body struck all the notes at the same time.
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not allow the children to stand round and hear such language.
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his right hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was going to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd let her know in time, so that she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was being done.
'Oh! you women, you make such a fuss over everything,' Uncle Podger would reply, picking himself up. 'Why, I like doing a little job of this sort.'
And then he would have another try, and, at the second blow, the nail would go clean through the plaster, and half the hammer after it, and Uncle Podger be precipitated against the wall with force nearly sufficient to flatten his nose. 
Then we had to find the rule and the string again, and a new hole was made; and, about midnight, the picture would be up - very crooked and insecure, the walls for yards round looking as if it had been smoothed down with a rake, and everybody dead beat and wretched - except Uncle Podger.

GLOSSARY

to do it in his head - calcularlo mentalmente
to sneer at - burlarse de
row - pelea
he would smash his thumb - se golpeaba el pulgar
yell - alarido
toe - dedo del pie
to pick oneself up - levantarse (tras haberse caído)
the nail would go clean through the plaster - el clavo atravesaba por completo el yeso
to flatten - aplastar
crooked - torcido
insecure - inseguro
to smooth down - alisar
rake - rastrillo
dead beat - agotado
wretched - desgraciado, infeliz

EJERCICIO

Rellena los espacios en blanco y luego mira el texto para comprobar si tus respuestas son correctas:


We would find the hammer for him, and then he would have ..... sight of the mark he had made on the wall, where the nail was .... go in, and each of ... had to get up on the chair beside him, and see if we ....find it; and we would ......discover it in a different place, and he would .... us all fools, one after another, and tell us to get down. And he would take the rule, and remeasure, and find that he wanted half thirty-one and three-eighths inches from the corner and would try to do it in his head, and ....mad.
And we would all try to do it in our heads, and all arive ...... different results, and sneer at .... another. And in the general row, the original number .....be forgotten, and Uncle Podger would have to measure it .......
He would use a ......of string this time, and at the critical moment, when the old fool was leaning over the chair .... an angle of fort-five, and trying to reach a point three inches ....... what was possible for him to reach, the string would slip, and down he would slide on to the piano, a really fine musical effect .... produced by the suddenness with which his head and body ..... all the notes at the same time.
And Aunt Maria would say that she would not .......the children to stand round and ....such language.
At last, Uncle Podger would get the spot fixed again, and put the point of the nail on it with his left hand, and take the hammer in his .... hand. And, with the first blow, he would smash his thumb, and drop the hammer, with a yell, on somebody's toes.
Aunt Maria would mildly observe that, next time Uncle Podger was .....to hammer a nail into the wall, she hoped he'd ......her know in time, so .... she could make arrangements to go and spend a week with her mother while it was .......done.
'Oh! you women, you .......such a fuss over everything,' Uncle Podger would reply, picking himself ...... 'Why, I like doing a little .... of this sort.'
And then he would have another try, and, ....the second blow, the nail would go clean through the plaster, and half the hammer after it, and Uncle Podger be precipitated .......the wall with force nearly sufficient to flatten his nose. 
Then we had ..... find the rule and the string again, and a new hole ......made; and, about midnight, the picture would be up - very crooked ....insecure, the walls for yards round looking ..... if it had been smoothed down with a rake, and everybody dead......and wretched - except Uncle Podger.